9 YEARS AGO TODAY

9 years ago today I said YES to Jesus🙏🏼❤️ Best decision I ever made.  Today I felt His presence at the gym in a different way than I have in the recent months. Things have just been weird for me lately. Life is different nowadays and changes make life seem odd. And confusing.  But, Jesus always was and always will be constant…never changing.

When life feels weird Jesus is there reminding me what calm feels like. I thought it was rather odd to be overwhelmed by his presence considering it was 4:30 am, I was barely awake and I am suffering through some injuries. My mind was completely occupied with my own thoughts. Woe is me.

But I felt His presence.
Happiness.
A sense of belonging and security overcame me.
Joy.
I felt His peace.

I was like “heyy You”! I love this feeling. Three hours later I am reminded today is the day I gave my life to Him and I thought ahhh I see😉

If I could suggest two things to everyone today, I would say have you given your life to Jesus and do you have a Christian counselor you can go to on a continuous basis?  We have been blessed with an amazing Christian woman counselor who has helped our marriage and family so dang much. On Tuesday we explained some situations going on in our marriage that have been bothering us and she proceeded to tell us in those moments to drop to our knees and bind those attacks in Jesus name.  Seems obvious…but in heated and frustrating moments your mind is not clicking right. She is a blessing to us and we have literally moved mountains with Jesus AND a bold Christian counselor. She has guided me into breaking bondage in areas I never…and I mean NEVER…thought I’d be free from.

We get lost in our thoughts and sometimes we don’t believe we deserve the abundant life. We don’t, but somehow we are supposed to walk into this new life with Jesus and accept the fact that He wants to carry our burdens and take care of us. How in the world. I could never get passed the fact that in spite of that, Jesus came to free me from all of that junk.  And no matter what I think in my brain, the answer is still YES when I wonder if I really am someone Jesus would take care of.  How in the world can you walk in victory when life reminds you of your earthly garbage? I’m still learning nine years later, BUT I will tell you I would be a biggest hot mess there ever was if I did not have JESUS.

Before Jesus I was a desperate-for-attention woman.  I definitely was a follower. I was afraid to be bold in what was right, and lots of times I was so lost that what I thought was right and ok was so far passed the boundaries of right and wrong I didn’t even feel bad when doing the things I did.  It makes my stomach hurt thinking about it. I would love to say the moment I said yes to Him nine years ago everything changed like a bolt of lightning and I never did anything wrong again. I think this thought is one of THE biggest myths and misconceptions out there when we discuss asking Jesus into our hearts.  It’s a slowwww process to be chiseled and unfortunately I have done so many wrongs it’s taken nine years to get one of the biggest bends in my life the hardest whack of the chisel it’s ever been given.

Years go by and sometimes you think you’re in the clear and won’t have to answer for sins.

That is also a huge lie.

Sin catches up with you always. Some of mine caught up with me from over ten years ago. Yuck and ouch. I will say that once you bring things to the Light, the enemy doesn’t have this hold on you anymore.  It is freeing! Darkness can’t stay dark when there is Light.

Where am I at now?  Well, rebuilding after you’ve bought every sin up to your spouse is not very fun.  I do not know how we could manage through if we didn’t have Jesus and our counselor.  After many months we can for sure look back and see how far we have come. It’s amazing actually.  When the days get hard the only thing we tell ourselves is God is fighting harder for our marriage and family than we are…and our desire to do the right thing will always be greater than our desire to give up.  And if you knew how badly we wanted to give up sometimes, then you could truly know that our desire to do the right thing must be really big.

Where am I going?  Well, I tell ya…Jesus just won’t let some things go in my soul.  There are things that make my soul dance a continuous cha-cha slide and cumbias.  My goal is to continue moving in that direction on the things He has given me the authority to dive into and to let Him lead the way…and just be persistent and continue to show up.

The days of crying and wanting to just give up because there is no stinkin way the abundant life is out there for me, are happening more and more these days. I mean look at me?! And Jesus says…”yes…look at you.  I made you and you are my perfection. Don’t get discouraged Hattie. My beloved, the pain is part of life. But I promise you that I will turn every tear you’ve cried into joy, and I will use your deep pain for divine purpose.  I’m the only one who can handle your heart and restore you to health and wholeness again. I, too, have felt great pain and rejection, and anger. But we can go through every trial together. Hand in hand I will lead you back to My place of peace and joy after the storm.  The sun will shine on you again, and your heart will be healed. I promise you, My Princess, that when you go through deep waters of great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned.”

That is MY JESUS.  He got me.