The wisdom of hard seasons

Picture this: you come out of a really hard season and all you care about is living intentionally every single day from here on out.

There once was a time that I looked back on hard seasons with annoyance that my life was disrupted with such nonsense. (like, how dare life be so rude). It’s funny how my perspective of hard seasons changed after I walked the hardest season of my life, and I’m not talking about the time I said goodbye to my son leaving to bootcamp, then the next day we moved 3 hours away, and then 4 days later my dad died. Nope, not talking about that one.

There’s a version of me that still, to this day, feels a wave of aching sadness when I think back to the tough season that came shortly after this sweet picture of a 4 year old Aniston was taken.

For years I have prayed for the Lord to take the pain away but just recently I have felt so much relief, and no the pain did not go away. I was reminded of God’s Word:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

This hard season that has grieved me for over a decade, is my thorn in the flesh. I want the memories and pain to go away, but I know that when I remember this season I am instantly humbled. Maybe I will never feel relieved of this pain so that I always remember to be humble.

Maybe I will always be humbled so that I remember that I am weak and HE is the one who is strong.

Maybe I need to remember that I am weak so that I don’t happily plop my butt on a pedestal that should only be reserved for Jesus. No boasting here when I remember the pain and I kneel down, humbled into a posture of gratitude for this thorn.

But what about my real sadness? I mean, even if I trust God during hard seasons and want to see the wisdom, it still feels painful. The emotions are real.

For years I would try to tell myself “you’re forgiven” or “that’s not who you are anymore” or “everyone makes mistakes” or “that was a long time ago.”

It WAS a long time ago…and yet I have tears in my eyes as I type this.

I see the face of this precious 4 year old (who now has a sweet teenage face) and all I can think of is what was coming around the corner around this time and how sad I still feel sometimes when I think about it.

There’s a version of me (and you) that still gets sad, or mad, or feels insecure even if we tell ourselves we should know better or we should be over it by now.

Usually, when that version of us pops in for a visit we usually try to shush her.

Here’s what he learned in the last 4 years

I can sit with the version of me that still shows up and wants to cry this out…I can make time for her. And after we’ve cried it out, or journaled about it, or turned on our favorite Fleetwood Mac playlist, we’re ready to stand on God’s Word and go where the Holy Spirit leads.

This particular season taught me my most precious lesson: live every single day on purpose. We only get to experience each day once, so make it count.

I’m grateful for the lessons in hard seasons. They truly are full of wisdom.