SUMMER IS HERE & A TRIP BACK TO WICHITA

We started summer break with a trip to the state track meet in Wichita, Kansas! State rodeo was there too so let’s just say hotels were…sparse. I didn’t know it until we arrived in Wichita, but Adam booked the same hotel I was at a year ago (a year ago right now actually) for weeks when my dad was having brain surgery.

When I walked inside, it took my breath away. Partially because it was emotional, but also there’s a casino inside so the smoke is THICK lol. The smell was the same. The man who helped us every single day still works there.  I stood back as Adam checked in.  I was worried the hotel worker would remember me and ask too many questions.

I could literally feel my nervous system start waking up. And even though I felt calm and I actually wasn’t crying…my body kept score. I didn’t shush myself or tell myself to get over it. I didn’t even ignore my emotional reality with a scripture to distract myself with.

Wait…distract myself with scripture? Isn’t that a good thing? Depends. Are you trying to pretend you’re ok when you’re not and not bringing this fake self to Jesus? I stopped doing that a few years ago and I just bring my honest true self to Him now. He already knows how I really feel, might as well just be honest with Him. He is strong and powerful enough to know our truth!

I can sit with Jesus when I’m sad. I don’t have to rush past it or try to pretend it’s not there. My true self knows how to sit with my sadness and anxiety. My true self is honest with herself on how she really feels. She doesn’t try to rush herself out of it because she’s brave enough to sit with it. She’s soft and understanding and really compassionate. I felt off for the rest of the night and I was ok with that.

Sometimes when we look back into the past it hurts. Don’t be tempted to ignore the past because it hurts because it’s also full of wisdom and miracles. My gratitude amplifies when I remember what God has saved me from, what He sat with me through, what I could have gone through but didn’t, what I won’t ever have to mess with again because that hard season/situation is over.

So much gratitude for where I am today.  Remembering the pain doesn’t have to just be painful, because you also get to feel relief all over again that (whatever it is) it’s not still happening. I might still be upset about my dad, but I’m not grieving like I was a year ago. The pain still exists but it’s different. And I can look back and think “Lord, thank you for saving me from the grief I was experiencing back then.”

For you, maybe something comes to mind, a life storm or season that you’ve walked that was so hard, but now you’re on the other side of it.  You had a place of pain, a place of brokenness.  It was the place where the divorce happened, or the miscarriage.  The place where your finances fell apart, the place where it seemed like there was nothing good in it.  And although the sadness, grief, and pain still might be there, you’re on the other side of it maybe.  Maybe it still is hard to think about, but it’s not like it was when you were in it.  Even if it’s 1% less painful, what a blessing to not feel that 1% pain anymore!

We’re never the same after we’ve encountered hard, but only if we’re awake to it.  We learned lessons, we realized what is really important to us, old versions of us are left behind in those storms and new versions of ourselves arise out of the ashes of the fire that was blazing in that stormy season.  That is only possible if we choose to look at it through the lens of gratitude. Thank you Jesus!

So I can promise you one thing, the rest of this year may not be your best year.  But if you’ll choose to have an attitude of gratitude throughout it, it could still give you the best version of you.  It’s a choice, it’s something you clothe yourself with every single day.  Even if your circumstances aren’t great, you can still choose gratitude.

My favorite hack for living your best life…gratitude!
Happy summer friends!